The Modern Day Fairy Tale: What Women Really Want
Posted: Sunday, May 09, 2010
by Ingrid Weir
http://www.facebook.com/ingritaweir
Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, little girls learned that they must wait up in a locked castle for their Prince Charming to slay the dragon and rescue them from the evil stepmother, so that they could live happily ever after. The fairy tale has changed slightly since that time. After all, it wasn’t too long ago, that ABC’s show, “Cougar Town, " aired the episode, “Everything Man, " about Jules’ fairy tale bathroom remodel.
What was the first thing they said?
“Ive got heated floors, a steam shower, flat screen, and check out the tub. It is so deep, I can rent it out for water births. "Now, most men probably understand the appeal of the, “Fairy Tale Bathroom " about as much as women understand the appeal of waiting in a castle tower their whole lives to be rescued by their prince. Although, we can understand having a magical preservation spell over us, so that we can still be as beautiful as we were at 20 years old… 100 years later when Prince Charming finally gets around to it.
“WOW, JULES! Its like a bathroom from a fairy tale! "
“I can totally picture a princess copping a squat in here. "
Now, I’ve heard it said, that the secret to happy marriage is having separate bathrooms, and I have to say that I completely agree! It never actually even dawned on me, up until this point, but that was it! Ask anyone, who has just been through a breakup, what the bright side is, and you will most likely hear about the extra closet space and not having to clean up after anyone else in the bathroom, right?
How did I, personally, come to this realization? Well, when I went to do my first measure up for a job, I did not realize what I was getting into when I said that I would go and do it, myself. After meeting the builder at a trade show, I felt it was important for me to do the follow-up. Having grown up around a lot of measuring tapes and scaffolding being our playground as kids, it didn’t seem like a big deal. Boy, was I wrong… it would have been slightly easier to have started with maybe a 5-million dollar home or the like, but no, this one was something else!
Of course, I did a little research on the home before driving out to it, so I would have an idea of what it looked like since this was during what I refer to as my, “Pre-Tom-Tom Era. " Somehow, this still did not prepare me for the immensity of this not-so-humble abode!
Upon arrival, I realize that I am at what they call a mansion these days, but truly, it felt more like a castle. To put the magnitude of this project into perspective, this was a ‘Roswell Women’s Club Showcase Home’ that by simply adding on a finished basement, alone, raised the price by roughly 7-million dollars, give or take a million or so. Oh, the magnificence… oh, the terror!
Walking through the master bedroom to the master baths – yes, that is supposed to be plural – had my mind narrating the experience as though I were Mr. Peterman, Elaine’s boss, from Seinfeld.
“From the master bedroom balcony, your worries melt away as you take in the peaceful surroundings. The breathtaking tranquility overcomes your soul as your mind escapes into what you only thought existed in your imagination. From nature’s soothing backdrop with the spectacular view over the treetops to the faint, hypnotic sounds of the gently lapping lake and the faint ripples in the water as the ducklings join their mother for an afternoon swim. "
This was not what sold me, though… the wine cellar in the basement, the theater that puts IMAX to shame… none of this had me exclaiming, “I must have this! "
What was it that sold me? Well, that would be the attached, “His and Hers " Master Baths and Separate Walk-in Closets! Of course, it goes without saying that these were, indeed, larger than my own master bedroom.
Now, why is this every woman’s dream? Well, as women, we do not like sharing our bathroom or closet spaces with anyone else… and let’s face it; we could probably switch out our bedroom size for the walk-in closet size and be just fine! I, for one, don’t really need much room in my bedroom… but the closet and bathrooms? That’s the secret.
Imagine if you never had to worry about the toilet seat being left up, cleaning up random hair and not being sure from whence it came? Come on, ladies… how many times have you had to clean off urine splatter from the walls, floor, back of the toilet, under the seat, and everywhere else because you couldn’t handle it anymore, and they weren’t going to do it? How often does that happen to you when you are not sharing these private quarters?
Oh, and don’t even get me started on sharing a shower/bath with someone else. If you are a bath person, you are saddled with the task of scrubbing dirt, dead skin, soap scum, hair, and other debris out the bathtub before running your bath. Skip this, and you run the risk of contracting some sort of bacterial or fungal infection – or just feeling really gross because you are soaking in what someone else washed off of their body! Eww!
What about those tiny pieces of stubble that randomly appear all over your bathroom and tub – and your razor? Where are those from? Not you, right? Oh, you don’t mind them being everywhere, right? After all, it’s all about love.
What about when you go to turn on the bath, and you get a shot of cold water on your head because someone forgot to turn the shower nozzle to the off position after their shower?
No, in our fairy tale, no one climbs up our hair to the tower to free us get away from the evil, fire- breathing beastly stepmother dragon. No, men, we do not need you to rescue us, but we do need an escape sometimes!
We need our space, and you men need yours, too. As women, we are busy and do not want anyone messing with the way our clothes and other various and sundry items are stored in our closets. We are strong, beautiful, hard working, and always on the go. Our hectic lives demand that we know right where everything is and where to grab it…
Sometimes, while in the dark hopping around in one heel with a half-eaten bagel in our mouths… while putting on mascara and telling everyone about it in 140 characters or less, while sympathetically listening to our best friend cry about their latest relationship troubles and reassuring you that we still love you even though, while hoping to barely squeeze in ‘GLEE!’ once a week.
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What do we ask for in return? It’s simple! We need time to rejuvenate in a tranquil, luxurious environment that is untouched by other humans… a place that is just for us!
The Separate Master Bath
This is a room that is maybe soundproof? Yes, definitely soundproof, free of clutter (our stuff is not clutter – it’s all necessary, btw). An escape from the demands of our daily lives that take so much out of us…
Requirements for our Serene Bathroom Escape:
- A Clawfoot Tub
- The Bathtub must have the Back of it Heated!
- None of us like having to try to warm up the back of the tub by running hot water over it; only to find out that it still wasn’t enough to keep from getting goose bumps across our whole bodies, destroying the ambience we have worked so hard to achieve.
- The Bathtub must have the Back of it Heated!
- Tile Floors
- No Wood, Linoleum, Vinyl, Carpet, etc.
- We do not need anything warping, molding, or just being gross. Tile belongs in bathrooms – not wood or carpet – and stick down linoleum and carpet will start to peel up and grow mold under it.
- No Wood, Linoleum, Vinyl, Carpet, etc.
- Heated Floors
- No Cold Spots on the Floor Anywhere we Might be – Ever
- Even if we want to sit on the toilet backwards or sideways to read in peace, where we placed in the Forbes 500, we want our feet to be warm and cozy.
- - and if we have, perhaps, “relaxed " a little too much to bother leaving our tranquil escape before accidentally falling asleep…
- Controlling the Heated Floors on a Whim or being able to Program them to be Consistent with our Schedules is Essential
- Plus, we need to be able to turn it off and on quickly and easily, depending on our wacky body temperature fluctuations.
- This bathroom should last us forever, so there will be plenty of variances over the years. It is a fairy tale bathroom, after all, and this is about, “Happily Ever After. "
- No Cold Spots on the Floor Anywhere we Might be – Ever
- Steam Shower with Pulsating, Massaging, Duel Water-Conserving Showerheads
- The Shower must have Heated Shower Seats and Floors
- This is important for when we do that all of that personal maintenance that you appreciate so much.
- After all, what is the point of going from heated floors in the bathroom if you are just going to be naked, standing on cold tiles… and then, sitting on a cold tile bench or seat? That’s just craziness!
- The Shower must have Heated Shower Seats and Floors
- A Toilet that yells at us in Japanese and tempts us to push a button that simply says, “NO! "
- Naturally, this Toilet will have a Heated Seat
- We will be able to easily control the temperature & clean the toilet seat heater without the risk of having loved ones suffer from conflicted emotions; not knowing whether to laugh or cry about our passing.
- Naturally, this Toilet will have a Heated Seat
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The Separate Walk-in Closet
This magical closet doesn’t need any woodland creatures, creepy little wrinkled guys spinning anything, or even a Fairy Godmother!
Walk-in Closet/Home Theater Requirements:
- Attached to our Magical Bathroom Wonderland
- No, we do not like having to hold our towels/robes/etc. closed as we run through where people go in and out freely, to where we are getting dressed.
- No, we do not like having to hold our towels/robes/etc. closed as we run through where people go in and out freely, to where we are getting dressed.
- Must be Larger than a Two-car Garage
- If we cannot fit two minivans in the space, it isn’t big enough
- Energy Efficient HD Flat Screen with DVR
- The DVR must have unlimited space, so we can enjoy, in peace, “Better off Ted, " “Family Guy, " “Parenthood, " or whatever has buff, tan men without shirts and form-fitting shorts, who are jumping on trampolines or dancing to the vocal stylings of Olivia Newton-John and Jane Lynch.
- Carpets or maybe Nailed or Floating Hardwoods or Bamboo
- Hypoallergenic , sustainable, bamboo, reclaimed or some other earth friendly floor covering, of course
- Maybe a dark wood with a hint of red, but can be flexible on that part.
- Floors must be Heated
- Once again, we are naked and/or barefoot.
- We really do not want dust, mold, dry air, etc. blown all over our clothes or drying out our skin, like forced air does, and breathing in all of that stuff is just plain gross!
- Please make sure that this is a system that does not require being put in a mud bed or cement… and definitely no water pipes under our stuff!
- It is a giant pain to do those mud systems, and we want them to be able to be installed quickly and easily – and we really do not like mud. Plus, we really do not want to have to bust through a bunch of dusty thinset or mud if we need to replace anything either… dust + clothing = bad.
- There are systems out there that do not require any wet installation materials for both carpet and hardwoods. We would like to use those, thank you.
- Water under our floors? Yeah, no…. we’ve seen leaks and floods, and we want no part in that around our clothes and other personal effects.
- A system that cannot catch the house on fire or cause us to die from being shocked, thanks.
- UL-listed with no RF or EMR (electromagnetic radiation) because we do not like cancer or neurological problems – or things to interrupt our television experience.
- Low amps – Not low voltage – 120v or 240v only
- Actually, most of these go in both rooms - since it’s high amps that kill you, so yeah, no low voltage systems… 120v or 240v only.
- Please make sure there is GFCI protection with a full ground surround and at least double insulation that will not break down over time, exposing the wires that carry the electricity, creating a shock risk… or causing us to have to repair it.
- Low amps – Not low voltage – 120v or 240v only
- UL-listed with no RF or EMR (electromagnetic radiation) because we do not like cancer or neurological problems – or things to interrupt our television experience.
- A 360-Degree Mirror like on ‘What Not to Wear’
- This is so we know we do not accidentally put on something that has proof that we are not actually perfect at all times.
3:00 a.m. phone call? Yes, we will always be there for you for that 3:00 a.m. phone call – no matter what the problem, which is why we haven’t had more than 5 hours straight of sleep since we were teenagers…
* Unless it is that one problem… then, you should probably have more respect for us than that, and if we were not such ladies, we would inform you that you should take care of that, yourself.
After all, we are your impeccably groomed Knights in Shining Stilettos with Invisible, Glowing Armor; the likes of which would have protected poor Achilles…. and you know that we were sent by God, personally, because he knew you needed rescuing, and he knew you couldn’t do it without us.
So, for Mother’s Day, what are you going to do for the amazing woman in your life? (Remember, a woman does not have to give birth to a child to be a mother. Chances are that she was born a mother, and you have probably seen that it if youve been paying attention.) Honor the strength, sacrifices, loyalty, love, and support that she shows you in your life show you over and over by giving her the fairy tale that she deserves. Show her that she is your hero, and you appreciate her rescuing you by giving her a private corner to the castle that she so richly deserves!
Note: Always discuss specifics with us… never make an assumption on color, style, or any other preference… just print this out as a starting point, and hand her a red ink pen and highlighter, and everything will be okay!
Selfish Reason Note: Stress release for her makes your life better for you. *wink, wink*
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Not even NASA could have satisfied your requirements for such effete snobbishly spoiled feminine comfort; who could believe that any woman that materialistic needy and that materialistic narcissistic could ever even APPROACH a "wink wink" without a gargantuan "EEEEEWWWWW".You have destroyed romance and replaced it with skylab;"“I can totally picture a princess copping a squat in here. "PaulI believe it is called satire, Paul. That's an awful lot of anger over something that was obviously meant to be tongue-in-cheek.Yes, it was. Thank you. It was never meant to offend... just empower and make fun of the silly fairy tales from the past... it was to be taken with as much absurdity as waiting in a tower for someone to come, rescue us, so we can live happily ever after - in a princess' castle with the servants, subjects, woodland creatures designing our wardrobe, etc.Hmm... I will not respond in the same angry, hurtful fashion as you have, "Paul". After all, this actually was written to honor mothers - from a humorous standpoint... and not to put down men. In actuality, I, personally, do not like to share bathrooms with anyone at all... ever... male or female, but that is mainly because of the messiness...I will say, though, that I am not sure where you find romance in sharing a place where most people thoroughly disinfect themselves after touching things......and the materialistic narcissism seems a little odd considering that the point is that more women need to take time to pamper themselves since so few take time for themselves, and they do need a break... as with any caregiver... or people in general if that be the case, but this wasn't about, "People Day"... it was about Mother's Day...Beyond that, I am not sure why, but I feel that this was a bit of a homophobic rant there... first, as though calling me a lesbian would be insulting... or as though only lesbians would possibly want to avoid fungal and bacterial infections from sharing a bath tub with other people... and only a man-hater would be upset that the water squirted on their head because someone didn't turn it off... even if that were the case and I were a lesbian - which I am not, but if I were, I would claim it in a minute because there is no shame in it... and if I were a lesbian, I still wouldn't want to share the bathroom with a woman... and it has nothing to do with a 'wink wink' as you put it...
...and that doesn't make me materialistic, narcissistic, and definitely not needy since the idea was to get away for just a brief moment, from all of the people who need her constantly... to be able to have a moment to herself...
If you knew me even a little bit, you would be amazed at how unbelievably wrong you truly are about me.
I thought it was funny, and had a lot of good points. I need a break sometimes, and I wouldn't mind if most of my space in my house was bathroom and closet space either!Only someone, who doesn't like women or humor would be angry about this article.i enjoyed the humor in this little tale but one thing left out is the idea that i have three children and a wife but i am the one who does all the cleaning and the things that are made known. also i was taught by three sisters that the lid goes down when done. just for thought that not all of us "guys" are to blame.Thank you, Jay. You are correct... with three children and a wife, you definitely deserved to be honored, as well! I have already started on my article to honor the Fathers next month.Keep in mind, that while I didn't expect this to become as heavy a topic as it is since I was writing it in a playful sense - or so I thought...I have a whole different opinion of men and women, alike, who are not good mothers or fathers... or people for that matter...but for ANYONE who has ever taken care of other people all the time, they all deserve a break and their own space in which to do it... it doesn't matter if you are male or female.This was also about the whole fairy tale idea that is fed to little girls - that we are all supposed to wait for our Prince Charming... I haven't found numerous stories that take away all power from little boys and tells them to wait around to be rescued just yet, and that was the reference there... that actually, women are much stronger and more powerful than stories have told us for years...and you, Jay, must know this better than anyone considering... I mean, really? Aren't you exhausted after a while? LOL
Get a life Paul.
Completely agree....love this!Thank you! :-)
I thoroughly enjoyed all of your ideas. :oD Also, I saw that Cougar Town episode and it made me really happy! Everybody should be able to dream about their personal fairy tale... I think your ideas are shared by most women who have ever had to share a bathroom! ;o)My husband and I have separate bathrooms, and I think that it really does remove possible arguments. If you think about it, it really is more beneficial for a man to have his man area and vice versa. Men love personal space just as much as women, if not more. So, really, men and women should both realize that the bathroom is like their own personal sanctuary. The one place that no one can bother you. You can relax, and no one will comfortably interact with you. Who wants to be around one another when they are doing the unsightly?Everyone should remember that fairy tales are extreme imaginative wishes created to ease the mind. I think that everyone has a fairy tale in mind, but a lot of people would feel uncomfortable revealing their true personal preferences, as they might be judged by others with no imagination. Just because you dream of the high life doesn't mean that you would necessarily put the unpractical to life.People should really understand that fairy tales are not meant literally. :o) This being said, more power to yours! <3 s to you and your happy, active mind!Wow, what a neat way of putting it! I love it. Thank you! <3s to you and your happy, active, supportive mind, as well. :-D
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